05. Inspiration

“Inspiration” is a term that’s oftentimes overused, almost to a point of being cliché. But,after the whirlwind that July has been, “inspiration” may be the perfect word to sum up the month. A month that sped by very quickly—almost too quickly. Maybe that’s how inspiration works. It comes and goes as it pleases, but it never visits for long. As swiftly as it arrives, inspiration can depart without leaving a trace, except for a vague memory that we fruitlessly cling on to. Now I wonder—is there a process behind using inspiration? Is it a finite source of energy? Has my inspiration tank reached “E”? What is it like to feel inspired by everything but not make anything? Well, “inspiration” felt generous and decided to give me three chances to understand it better.

That was the magic I’ve been chasing after!

Earlier this month, one of my close friends, Brian, shared his experience with a sculptor he recently met. He rarely calls me late at night, so I initially thought it was an emergency. As we talked, I could tell he was truly at a loss for words (at least for the first few minutes). He briefly recalled an artist talk he attended where he was able to meet sculptor Vinnie Bagwell (she’s absolutely phenomenal, so check out her work here). The following week, she invited him over to her apartment to chat and to check out some of her sculptures. After a six hour conversation with Vinnie, Brian left with a mind and heart full of elation. As he’s telling me this story, I’m envisioning wheels turning and circuitry firing off signals all throughout his brain. Hearing Brian’s excitement was so exhilarating! But I could tell this enthusiasm was different. To paraphrase Brian’s sentiments,

Just to see this dope artist and sculptor, who looks like me, and she’s making it work?! I’m so inspired, man! She’s making a living purely off of her art! Like, that’s really a thing?! That’s what I want to do with my art!

I was filled with so much happiness for Brian! Not only that, I was inspired to create something alongside him. Though, unfortunately, my time was pulled elsewhere and I thought the inspiration disappeared. Instead, it came back and paid me a second visit.

After meditating on Brian’s story, my thoughts kept circling around the idea of collaboration. Most of our conspiring would happen online since Brian lives in New York. As such, I brainstormed on which of my local friends had a different skill set and what a co-project could look like. So I sent a message to another good friend of mine who’s an architect, Rafael (or Ralf for short). Funny enough, I never knew what led him to the field. So I asked him, “what brought you to drawing and architecture?” Since I’ve known him for a few years, I knew I was in for a good story! Ralf took me on a nice drive down memory lane. He mentioned that ever since he was a kid, he had a deep love for buildings and constructing things. Ralf used his parents’ cassette tapes and CDs to build cities and towns filled with his toy cars. As he got older, he learned that he appreciated how spaces were designed and the feelings those spaces gave. To paraphrase some of Ralf’s thoughts,

I’ve always loved the profession! But the idea of creating spaces and how they made people feel came up once I was in middle school. Like, when I would walk in a room or a building, I wondered “what type of feeling does that place convey? What was the intent of the architect and the clients?” It’s very rewarding to me once the project is done and to see people actually in the spaces I created.

Hearing Ralf’s story was captivating. There was a sense of passion and elation in his voice I hadn’t heard before. That was the magic I’ve been chasing after! Much like my chat with Brian, I felt inspired to build on this feeling. So I proposed the idea of drawing nights to Ralf. I’m excited we’re planning this and I can’t wait to see how it turns out! I think that’s a step in the right direction. Though, “inspiration” paid me one final visit to remind me I should seize the opportunity when it presents itself.

When am I going to actually do some work?

In Episode 4, I wrote about a deep yearning for creative freedom. It seems like the process of gaining that independence is a step-by-step ordeal. I mentioned how I loathed the thought of having a “design thinking” conversation. After sharing my frustrations and, subsequently, placing them on the back-burner, I felt renewed. I noticed a resurgence in my hunger for more knowledge. It was nearly insatiable! The entire world opened up when I removed my insecurities and designer perspectives such as “how does this function” and “this should center on the user and their benefit”. Instead, my thoughts evolved to “I wonder what this character would look like” and “I can’t wait to try these new markers and brushes!” Much like a risen phoenix, my creative spirit was reignited and rejuvenated. My fire was back! I reviewed my rambling and decided to learn even more this month. In hindsight, it’s amusing to learn how many Youtube tutorials I’ve digested over the past few weeks. On one end, the pursuit for information and insight seemed to be a good thing. On the other end, I found myself asking the following question more and more frequently—when am I going to actually do some work?

And that’s where I’m stuck. Despite hearing captivating stories from the brilliant minds of my friends, I still feel stuck. One of my current passion projects is writing a book of poetry and short stories. With everything written and finished over the past two years, I decided to, ironically, design it into an e-book for easy sharing. So far, it’s been amazing! I haven’t had this much fun making something in over a year. Additionally, I wrote down a lot of ideas for future passion projects and ideas I want to work on. But here’s why I think I’m stuck — I’m moving too fast. Rather, my brain is moving much faster than I can create. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself when saying this, but I thought I would be done with my book by now. I thought I would be working on characters and animated shorts as well. I thought I would’ve accomplished my goals this month.

Everything will happen when it’s supposed to.

Writing and maintaining this blog has prompted me to be more honest with myself. I’ve expressed many emotions through these words, ranging from loss and reflection, to sharing my battles with mental health and creative fortitude. So, if I must be honest, I feel I haven’t done much in July. Some of my goals were accomplished, but in comparison to previous months, it feels like much less was actually finished. A part of me is a bit discouraged by this realization. Though, as I keep writing this rant, I’m learning to be okay with the remaining goals left unchecked.

Something I fail to remember is that I have many responsibilities that take precedence right now. Also, the creative process takes time and I’m doing multiple things at once. Many artists I follow are focused on drawing. The authors I admire are continuously writing. Independent musicians who I avidly listen to are creating. And animators I learn from are telling wonderful stories. But I’m doing all of the above—at the same time. Maybe I need to slow down. Quite simply, I need to live and let things happen organically. I was fired up to create so many things, but I had no clue where to start. Maybe I need to just be—be in the moments, be open to learning, be willing to fail, be determined to learn, and be thankful for another chance to make something happen. Also, I need to give it time. Tunnel vision usually keeps me on track, but I think it’s keeping me from smelling the roses. So, maybe I should just take things a step at a time. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to. Just breathe, Marq.

–Inspired